A baby is an inestimable blessing and bother.
- Mark Twain

A banker is a fellow who lends you his umbrella when the sun is shining and wants it back the minute it begins to rain.
- Mark Twain

A compliment ought always to precede a complaint, where one is possible, because it softens resentment and insures for the complaint a courteous and gentle reception.
- Mark Twain

A jay hasn't got any more principle than a Congressman. A jay will lie, a jay will steal, a jay will deceive, a jay will betray; and four times out of five, a jay will go back on his solemnest promise.
- Mark Twain

A lie can travel halfway around the world while the truth is putting on its shoes.
- Mark Twain

A man cannot be comfortable without his own approval.
- Mark Twain

A man is accepted into a church for what he believes and he is turned out for what he knows.
- Mark Twain

A man who carries a cat by the tail learns something he can learn in no other way.
- Mark Twain

A man who doesn't read good books has no advantage over the man who can't read them.
- Mark Twain

A man's character may be learned from the adjectives which he habitually uses in conversation.
- Mark Twain