I think we never become really and genuinely our entire and honest selves, until we are dead - and then not until we have been dead years and years. People ought to start dead and then they would be honest so much earlier.
- Mark Twain

I thoroughly disapprove of duels. I consider them unwise and I know they are dangerous. Also, sinful. If a man should challenge me, I would take him kindly and forgivingly by the hand and lead him to a quiet retired spot and kill him.
- Mark Twain

I was gratified to be able to answer promptly. I said I didn't know.
- Mark Twain

I would like to live in Manchester, England. The transition between Manchester and death would be unnoticeable.
- Mark Twain

If Christ were here now there is one thing he would not be - a Christian.
- Mark Twain

If I cannot smoke cigars in Heaven, I shall not go.
- Mark Twain

If man had created man he would be ashamed of his performance.
- Mark Twain

If the man doesn't believe as we do, we say he is a crank, and that settles it. I mean, it does nowadays, because now we can't burn him.
- Mark Twain

If you beseech a blessing upon yourself, beware! lest without intent you invoke a curse upon a neighbor at the same time.
- Mark Twain

If you have nothing to say, say nothing.
- Mark Twain