The so-called Christian nations are the most enlightened and progressive, but in spite of their religion, not because of it.
- Mark Twain

The trade of critic, in literature, music, and the drama, is the most degraded of all trades.
- Mark Twain

The universal brotherhood of man is our most precious possession, what there is of it.
- Mark Twain

There are no witches. The witch text remains; only the practice has changed. Hell fire is gone, but the text remains. Infant damnation is gone, but the text remains. More than two hundred death penalties are gone from the law books, but the texts that authorized them remain.
- Mark Twain

There are people who strictly deprive themselves of each and every eatable, drinkable, and smokable which has in any way acquired a shady reputation. They pay this price for health. And health is all they get for it. How strange it is. It is like paying out your whole fortune for a cow that has gone dry.
- Mark Twain

There are several good protections against temptations, but the surest is cowardice.
- Mark Twain

There are three things which I consider excellent advice. First, don't smoke to access. Second, don't drink to excess. Third, don't marry to excess.
- Mark Twain

There are times when one would like to hang the whole human race, and finish the farce.
- Mark Twain

There comes a time in every rightly constructed boy's life that he has a raging desire to go somewhere and dig for hidden treasure.
- Mark Twain

There has been only one Christian. They caught him and crucified him - early.
- Mark Twain