<!--
var txtList = new Array()
txtList[txtList.length]="A baby is an inestimable blessing and bother.<br> - Mark Twain"
txtList[txtList.length]="A banker is a fellow who lends you his umbrella when the sun is shining and wants it back the minute it begins to rain.<br> - Mark Twain"
txtList[txtList.length]="A compliment ought always to precede a complaint, where one is possible, because it softens resentment and insures for the complaint a courteous and gentle reception.<br> - Mark Twain"
txtList[txtList.length]="A jay hasn't got any more principle than a Congressman. A jay will lie, a jay will steal, a jay will deceive, a jay will betray; and four times out of five, a jay will go back on his solemnest promise.<br> - Mark Twain"
txtList[txtList.length]="A lie can travel halfway around the world while the truth is putting on its shoes.<br> - Mark Twain"
txtList[txtList.length]="A man cannot be comfortable without his own approval.<br> - Mark Twain"
txtList[txtList.length]="A man is accepted into a church for what he believes and he is turned out for what he knows.<br> - Mark Twain"
txtList[txtList.length]="A man who carries a cat by the tail learns something he can learn in no other way.<br> - Mark Twain"
txtList[txtList.length]="A man who doesn't read good books has no advantage over the man who can't read them.<br> - Mark Twain"
txtList[txtList.length]="A man's character may be learned from the adjectives which he habitually uses in conversation.<br> - Mark Twain"
txtList[txtList.length]="A man's first duty is to his own conscience and honor; the party and country come second to that, and never first.<br> - Mark Twain"
txtList[txtList.length]="A policeman in plain clothes is a man; in his uniform he is ten. Clothes and title are the most potent thing, the most formidable influence, in the earth. They move the human race to willing and spontaneous respect for the judge, the general, the admiral, the bishop, the ambassador, the frivolous earl, the idiot duke, the sultan, the king, the emperor. No great title is efficient without clothes to support it.<br> - Mark Twain"
txtList[txtList.length]="A round man cannot be expected to fit in a square hole right away. He must have time to modify his shape.<br> - Mark Twain"
txtList[txtList.length]="A successful book is not made of what is in it, but what is left out of it.<br> - Mark Twain"
txtList[txtList.length]="Adam and Eve had many advantages but the principal one was, that they escaped teething.<br> - Mark Twain"
txtList[txtList.length]="All crimes should be punished with humiliations - public exposure in ridiculous and grotesque situations - and never in any other way. Death makes a hero of the villain, and he is envied by some spectators and imitators.<br> - Mark Twain"
txtList[txtList.length]="All democrats are insane, but not one of them knows it; none but the republicans and mugwumps know it. All the republicans are insane, but only the democrats and mugwumps can perceive it. The rule is perfect: in all matters of opinion our adversaries are insane.<br> - Mark Twain"
txtList[txtList.length]="All say, how hard it is that we have to die - a strange complaint to come from the mouths of people who have had to live.<br> - Mark Twain"
txtList[txtList.length]="All schools, all colleges, have two great functions: to confer, and to conceal, valuable knowledge.<br> - Mark Twain"
txtList[txtList.length]="All things change except barbers, the ways of barbers, and the surroundings of barbers. These never change.<br> - Mark Twain"
txtList[txtList.length]="All you need in this life is ignorance and confidence, and then success is sure.<br> - Mark Twain"
txtList[txtList.length]="Always do right! This will gratify some people and astonish the rest.<br> - Mark Twain"
txtList[txtList.length]="An Englishman is a person who does things because they have been done before. An American is a person who does things because they haven't been done before.<br> - Mark Twain"
txtList[txtList.length]="An experienced, industrious, ambitious, and often quite picturesque liar.<br> - Mark Twain"
txtList[txtList.length]="Anti-Semitism . . . is the swollen envy of pygmy minds - meanness, injustice.<br> - Mark Twain"
txtList[txtList.length]="Armaments were not created chiefly for the protection of the nations but for their enslavement.<br> - Mark Twain"
txtList[txtList.length]="Be careful about reading health books. You may die of a misprint.<br> - Mark Twain"
txtList[txtList.length]="Be careless in your dress if you must, but keep a tidy soul.<br> - Mark Twain"
txtList[txtList.length]="Between believing a thing and thinking you know is only a small step and quickly taken.<br> - Mark Twain"
txtList[txtList.length]="Biographies are but the clothes and buttons of a man - the biography of the man himself cannot be written.<br> - Mark Twain"
txtList[txtList.length]="Both marriage and death ought to be welcome: the one promises happiness, doubtless the other assures it.<br> - Mark Twain"
txtList[txtList.length]="But South Australia deserves much, for apparently she is a hospitable home for every alien who chooses to come; and for his religion too. Her varieties of religion indicate the presence within her borders of samples of people from think of pretty near every part of the globe you can . . . You see how healthy the religious atmosphere is. Anything can live in it. Agnostics, Atheists, Freethinkers, Infidels, Mormons, Pagans, Indefinites: they are all there. And all the big sects of the world can do more than merely live in it: they can spread, flourish, prosper.<br> - Mark Twain"
txtList[txtList.length]="But we are fearfully and wonderfully made, and we glorious Americans will occasionally astonish the God that created us when we get a fair start.<br> - Mark Twain"
txtList[txtList.length]="By trying we can easily learn to endure adversity - another man's I mean.<br> - Mark Twain"
txtList[txtList.length]="Change is the handmaiden Nature requires to do her miracles with.<br> - Mark Twain"
txtList[txtList.length]="Chastity - you can carry it too far.<br> - Mark Twain"
txtList[txtList.length]="Christianity will doubtless still survive in the earth ten centuries hence--stuffed and in a museum.<br> - Mark Twain"
txtList[txtList.length]="Citizenship is what makes a republic; monarchies can get along without it.<br> - Mark Twain"
txtList[txtList.length]="Civilization is a limitless multiplication of unnecessary necessities.<br> - Mark Twain"
txtList[txtList.length]="Clothes make the man. Naked people have little or no influence on society.<br> - Mark Twain"
txtList[txtList.length]="Comedy keeps the heart sweet.<br> - Mark Twain"
txtList[txtList.length]="Communism is idiocy. They want to divide up the property. Suppose they did it - it requires brains to keep money as well as make it. In a precious little while the money would be back in the former owner's hands and the communist would be poor again.<br> - Mark Twain"
txtList[txtList.length]="Concentration of power in a political machine is bad; and an Established Church is only a political machine; it was invented for that; it is nursed, cradled, preserved for that; it is an enemy to human liberty, and does no good which it could not better do in a split-up and scattered condition.<br> - Mark Twain"
txtList[txtList.length]="Conformity - the natural instinct to passively yield to that vague something recognized as authority.<br> - Mark Twain"
txtList[txtList.length]="Courage is resistance to fear, mastery of fear - not absence of fear.<br> - Mark Twain"
txtList[txtList.length]="Denial ain't just a river in Egypt.<br> - Mark Twain"
txtList[txtList.length]="Diligence is a good thing, but taking things easy is much more restful.<br> - Mark Twain"
txtList[txtList.length]="Doesn't make any difference who we are or what we are, there's always somebody to look down on.<br> - Mark Twain"
txtList[txtList.length]="Don't explain your author, read him right and he explains himself.<br> - Mark Twain"
txtList[txtList.length]="Don't go around saying the world owes you a living. The world owes you nothing. It was here first.<br> - Mark Twain"
txtList[txtList.length]="Don't part with your illusions. When they are gone, you may still exist, but you have ceased to live.<br> - Mark Twain"
txtList[txtList.length]="Education consists mainly in what we have unlearned.<br> - Mark Twain"
txtList[txtList.length]="Every citizen of the republic ought to consider himself an unofficial policeman, and keep unsalaried watch and ward over the laws and their execution.<br> - Mark Twain"
txtList[txtList.length]="Every civilization carries the seeds of its own destruction.<br> - Mark Twain"
txtList[txtList.length]="Everyone is a moon, and has a dark side which he never shows to anybody.<br> - Mark Twain"
txtList[txtList.length]="Everything has its limit - iron ore cannot be educated into gold.<br> - Mark Twain"
txtList[txtList.length]="Familiarity breeds contempt - and children.<br> - Mark Twain"
txtList[txtList.length]="Few things are harder to put up with than the annoyance of a good example.<br> - Mark Twain"
txtList[txtList.length]="Fleas can be taught nearly anything that a congressman can.<br> - Mark Twain"
txtList[txtList.length]="Give an Irishman lager for a month and he's a dead man. An Irishman's stomach is lined with copper, and the beer corrodes it. But whiskey polishes the copper and is the saving of him.<br> - Mark Twain"
txtList[txtList.length]="God, so atrocious in the Old Testament, so attractive in the New - the Jekyl and Hyde of sacred romance.<br> - Mark Twain"
txtList[txtList.length]="Good breeding consists of concealing how much we think of our selves, and how little we think of the other person.<br> - Mark Twain"
txtList[txtList.length]="Good friends, good books and a sleepy conscience: this is the ideal life.<br> - Mark Twain"
txtList[txtList.length]="Great books are weighed and measured by their style and matter and not by the trimmings and shadings of their grammar.<br> - Mark Twain"
txtList[txtList.length]="Have a place for everything and keep the thing somewhere else. This is not advice, it is merely custom.<br> - Mark Twain"
txtList[txtList.length]="He is now fast rising from affluence to poverty.<br> - Mark Twain"
txtList[txtList.length]="Heaven for climate, hell for society.<br> - Mark Twain"
txtList[txtList.length]="Heaven goes by favor. If it went by merit, you would stay out and your dog would go in.<br> - Mark Twain"
txtList[txtList.length]="Human beings seem to be a poor invention. If they are the noblest works of God where is the ignoblest?<br> - Mark Twain"
txtList[txtList.length]="Human nature cannot be studied in cities except at a disadvantage - a village is the place. There you can know your man inside and out - in a city you but know his crust; and his crust is usually a lie.<br> - Mark Twain"
txtList[txtList.length]="I am not the editor of a newspaper and shall always try to do right and be good so that God will not make me one.<br> - Mark Twain"
txtList[txtList.length]="I am opposed to millionaires, but it would be dangerous to offer me the position.<br> - Mark Twain"
txtList[txtList.length]="I believe that our Heavenly Father created the monkey because he was disappointed in man.<br> - Mark Twain"
txtList[txtList.length]="I bring you this stately matron named Christendom, returning bedraggled, besmirched, and dishonored from pirate raids in Kiao-Chow, Manchuria, South Africa, and the Philippines, with her soul full of meanness, her pocket full of boodle, and her mouth full of pious hypocrisies. Give her soap and a towel, but hide the looking-glass.<br> - Mark Twain"
txtList[txtList.length]="I can live for two months on a good compliment.<br> - Mark Twain"
txtList[txtList.length]="I do not read anything but history and biography.<br> - Mark Twain"
txtList[txtList.length]="I don't believe any of you have ever read Paradise Lost, and you don't want to. That's something that you just want to take on trust. It's a classic . . . something that everybody wants to have read and nobody wants to read.<br> - Mark Twain"
txtList[txtList.length]="I found out that I was a Christian for revenue only and I could not bear the thought of that, it was so ignoble.<br> - Mark Twain"
txtList[txtList.length]="I have been complimented myself a great many times, and they always embarrass me - I always feel that they have not said enough.<br> - Mark Twain"
txtList[txtList.length]="(70th birthday speech) I have had a great many birthdays in my time. I remember the first one very well, and I always think of it with indignation; everything was so crude, unaesthetic, primeval. Nothing like this at all. No proper appreciative preparation made; nothing really ready. Now, for a person born with high and delicate instincts-why, even the cradle wasn't whitewashed-nothing ready at all. I hadn't any hair, I hadn't any teeth, I hadn't any clothes, I had to go to my first banquet just like that. Well, everybody came swarming in. It was the merest little bit of a village-hardly that, just a little hamlet, in the backwoods of Missouri, where nothing ever happened, and the people were all interested, and they all came; they looked me over to see if there was anything fresh in my line. Why, nothing ever happened in that village-I-why, I was the only thing that had really happened there for months and months and months; And although I say it myself that shouldn't, I came the nearest to being a real event that had happened in that village in more than two years. Well, those people came, they came with that curiosity which is so provincial, with that frankness which also is so provincial, and they examined me all around and gave their opinion. Nobody asked them, and I shouldn't have minded if anybody had paid me a compliment, but nobody did. Their opinions were all just green with prejudice, and I feel those opinions to this day. Well, I stood that as long as - well, you know I was born courteous and I stood it to the limit. I stood it an hour, and then the worm turned. I was the worm; it was my turn to turn, and I turned. I knew very well the strength of my position; I knew that I was the only spotlessly pure and innocent person in that whole town, and I came out and said so. And they could not say a word. It was so true, They blushed; they were embarrassed.<br> - Mark Twain"
txtList[txtList.length]="I have never let my schooling interfere with my education.<br> - Mark Twain"
txtList[txtList.length]="I have never taken any exercise, except sleeping and resting.<br> - Mark Twain"
txtList[txtList.length]="I have no liking for novels or stories - none in the world.<br> - Mark Twain"
txtList[txtList.length]="I have no race prejudices, and I think I have no color prejudices or caste prejudices nor creed prejudices. Indeed I know it. I can stand any society. All that I care to know is that a man is a human being-that is enough for me; he can't be any worse.<br> - Mark Twain"
txtList[txtList.length]="I have studied it often, but I never could discover the plot. (dictionary)<br> - Mark Twain"
txtList[txtList.length]="I haven't a particle of confidence in a man who has no redeeming vices.<br> - Mark Twain"
txtList[txtList.length]="I never desire to converse with a man who has written more than he has read.<br> - Mark Twain"
txtList[txtList.length]="I once sent a dozen of my friends a telegram saying 'flee at once - all is discovered.' They all left town immediately.<br> - Mark Twain"
txtList[txtList.length]="I simply can't resist a cat, particularly a purring one. They are the cleanest, cunningest, and most intelligent things I know, outside of the girl you love, of course.<br> - Mark Twain"
txtList[txtList.length]="I think I can say, and say with pride, that we have some legislatures that bring higher prices than any in the world.<br> - Mark Twain"
txtList[txtList.length]="I think we never become really and genuinely our entire and honest selves, until we are dead - and then not until we have been dead years and years. People ought to start dead and then they would be honest so much earlier.<br> - Mark Twain"
txtList[txtList.length]="I thoroughly disapprove of duels. I consider them unwise and I know they are dangerous. Also, sinful. If a man should challenge me, I would take him kindly and forgivingly by the hand and lead him to a quiet retired spot and kill him.<br> - Mark Twain"
txtList[txtList.length]="I was gratified to be able to answer promptly. I said I didn't know.<br> - Mark Twain"
txtList[txtList.length]="I would like to live in Manchester, England. The transition between Manchester and death would be unnoticeable.<br> - Mark Twain"
txtList[txtList.length]="If Christ were here now there is one thing he would not be - a Christian.<br> - Mark Twain"
txtList[txtList.length]="If I cannot smoke cigars in Heaven, I shall not go.<br> - Mark Twain"
txtList[txtList.length]="If man had created man he would be ashamed of his performance.<br> - Mark Twain"
txtList[txtList.length]="If the man doesn't believe as we do, we say he is a crank, and that settles it. I mean, it does nowadays, because now we can't burn him.<br> - Mark Twain"
txtList[txtList.length]="If you beseech a blessing upon yourself, beware! lest without intent you invoke a curse upon a neighbor at the same time.<br> - Mark Twain"
txtList[txtList.length]="If you have nothing to say, say nothing.<br> - Mark Twain"
txtList[txtList.length]="If you invent two or three people and turn them loose in your manuscript, something is bound to happen to them - you can't help it; and then it will take you the rest of the book to get them out of the natural consequences of that occurrence, and so first thing you know, there's your book all finished up and never cost you an idea.<br> - Mark Twain"
txtList[txtList.length]="If you pick up a starving dog and make him prosperous, he will not bite you. This is the principal difference between a dog and a man.<br> - Mark Twain"
txtList[txtList.length]="Ignorant people think it's the noise which fighting cats make that is so aggravating, but it ain't so; it's the sickening grammar they use.<br> - Mark Twain"
txtList[txtList.length]="In all the ages, three-fourths of the support of the great charities has been conscience money.<br> - Mark Twain"
txtList[txtList.length]="In discarding the monkey and substituting man, our Father in Heaven did the monkey an undeserved injustice.<br> - Mark Twain"
txtList[txtList.length]="In the first place God made idiots. This was for practice. Then He made School Boards.<br> - Mark Twain"
txtList[txtList.length]="Irreverence is the champion of liberty and its one sure defense.<br> - Mark Twain"
txtList[txtList.length]="It (the Bible) is full of interest. It has noble poetry in it; and some clever fables; and some blood-drenched history; and some good morals; and a wealth of obscenity; and upwards of a thousand lies.<br> - Mark Twain"
txtList[txtList.length]="It could probably be shown by facts and figures that there is no distinctly native American criminal class except Congress.<br> - Mark Twain"
txtList[txtList.length]="It is believed by everyone that when he was in heaven he was stern, hard, resentful, jealous and cruel, but that when he came down to earth, he became the opposite - sweet, gentle merciful, forgiving. He was a thousand billion times crueler than ever he was in the Old Testament - Meek and gentle? By and by we will examine that popular sarcasm by the light of the hell which he invented.<br> - Mark Twain"
txtList[txtList.length]="It is better to keep your mouth closed and let people think you are a fool than to open it and remove all doubt.<br> - Mark Twain"
txtList[txtList.length]="It is by the fortune of God that, in this country, we have three benefits: freedom of speech, freedom of thought, and the wisdom never to use either.<br> - Mark Twain"
txtList[txtList.length]="It is curious that physical courage should be so common in the world, and moral courage so rare.<br> - Mark Twain"
txtList[txtList.length]="It is just like man's vanity and impertinence to call an animal dumb because it is dumb to his dull perceptions.<br> - Mark Twain"
txtList[txtList.length]="It is the will of God that we must have critics and missionaries and congressmen and humorists, and we must bear the burden.<br> - Mark Twain"
txtList[txtList.length]="It takes your enemy and your friend, working together, to hurt you to the heart; the one to slander you and the other to get the news to you.<br> - Mark Twain"
txtList[txtList.length]="It was wonderful to find America, but it would have been more wonderful to miss it.<br> - Mark Twain"
txtList[txtList.length]="It were not best that we should all think alike; it is difference of opinion that makes horse races.<br> - Mark Twain"
txtList[txtList.length]="It's a great place to live, but I wouldn't want to visit there. (on Los Angeles)<br> - Mark Twain"
txtList[txtList.length]="It's not the size of the dog in the fight; it's the size of the fight in the dog.<br> - Mark Twain"
txtList[txtList.length]="It's so hard to find men of a so high type of morals that they'll stay bought.<br> - Mark Twain"
txtList[txtList.length]="Keep away from people who try to belittle your ambitions. Small people always do that, but the really great make you feel that you, too, can become great.<br> - Mark Twain"
txtList[txtList.length]="Let us endeavor to live that when we come to die even the undertaker will be sorry.<br> - Mark Twain"
txtList[txtList.length]="Let us not be too particular; it is better to have old secondhand diamonds than none at all.<br> - Mark Twain"
txtList[txtList.length]="Let your secret sympathies and your compassion be always with the under dog in the fight - this is magnanimity; but bet on the other one - this is business.<br> - Mark Twain"
txtList[txtList.length]="Life should begin with age and its privileges and accumulations, and end with youth and its capacity to splendidly enjoy such advantages.<br> - Mark Twain"
txtList[txtList.length]="Loyalty to the country always. Loyalty to the government when it deserves it.<br> - Mark Twain"
txtList[txtList.length]="Make it a point to do something every day that you don't want to do. This is the golden rule for acquiring the habit of doing your duty without pain.<br> - Mark Twain"
txtList[txtList.length]="Man is the only animal that blushes. Or needs to.<br> - Mark Twain"
txtList[txtList.length]="Man is the only animal that deals in that atrocity of atrocities, War. He is the only one that gathers his brethren about him and goes forth in cold blood and calm pulse to exterminate his kind. He is the only animal that for sordid wages will march out and help to slaughter strangers of his own species who have done him no harm and with whom he has no quarrel . . . And in the intervals between campaigns he washes the blood off his hands and works for &quot;the universal brotherhood of man&quot; -with his mouth.<br> - Mark Twain"
txtList[txtList.length]="Man is the only Patriot. He sets himself apart in his own country, under his own flag, and sneers at the other nations, and keeps multitudinous uniformed assassins on hand at heavy expense to grab slices of other people's countries, and keep them from grabbing slices of his. And in the intervals between campaigns he washes the blood off his hands and works for &quot;the universal brotherhood of man&quot; - with his mouth.<br> - Mark Twain"
txtList[txtList.length]="Man was made at the end of the week's work, when God was tired.<br> - Mark Twain"
txtList[txtList.length]="Man will do many things to get himself loved; he will do all things to get himself envied.<br> - Mark Twain"
txtList[txtList.length]="Manifestly, dying is nothing to a really great and brave man.<br> - Mark Twain"
txtList[txtList.length]="Many a small thing has been made large by the right kind of advertisin.<br> - Mark Twain"
txtList[txtList.length]="Monarchies, aristocracies, and religions are all based upon that large defect in your race - the individual's distrust of his neighbor, and his desire, for safety's or comfort's sake, to stand well in his neighbor's eye. These institutions will always remain, and always flourish, and always oppress you, affront you, and degrade you, because you will always be and remain slaves of minorities. There was never a country where the majority of people were in their secret hearts loyal to any of these institutions.<br> - Mark Twain"
txtList[txtList.length]="Most people are bothered by those passages of Scripture they do not understand, but the passages that bother me are those I do understand.<br> - Mark Twain"
txtList[txtList.length]="Most people can't bear to sit in church for an hour on Sundays. How are they supposed to live somewhere very similar to it for eternity?<br> - Mark Twain"
txtList[txtList.length]="My books are water; those of great geniuses are wine everybody drinks water.<br> - Mark Twain"
txtList[txtList.length]="My idea of our civilization is that it is a shoddy, poor thing and full of cruelties, vanities, arrogances, meannesses and hypocrisies.<br> - Mark Twain"
txtList[txtList.length]="Name the greatest of all the inventors. Accidents.<br> - Mark Twain"
txtList[txtList.length]="Necessity is the mother of &quot;taking chances&quot;.<br> - Mark Twain"
txtList[txtList.length]="Never refuse to do a kindness unless the act would work great injury to yourself, and never refuse to take a drink - under any circumstances.<br> - Mark Twain"
txtList[txtList.length]="No one can learn all there is to know. The subject is just too big. Besides that, it changes every day. (on being a river boat pilot on the Mississippi)<br> - Mark Twain"
txtList[txtList.length]="Noise proves nothing. Often a hen who has merely laid an egg cackles as if she had laid an asteroid.<br> - Mark Twain"
txtList[txtList.length]="None but an ass pays a compliment and asks a favor at the same time. There are many asses.<br> - Mark Twain"
txtList[txtList.length]="Of all God's creatures there is only one that cannot be made the slave of the lash. That one is the cat. If man could be crossed with the cat it would improve man, but it would deteriorate the cat.<br> - Mark Twain"
txtList[txtList.length]="Of all the animals, man is the only one that is cruel. He is the only one that inflicts pain for the pleasure of doing it.<br> - Mark Twain"
txtList[txtList.length]="Of the commandments, only a single one of the 10 has found ministerial obedience; multiply and replenish the earth. To it sinner and saint, scholar and ignoramus, Christian and savage are alike loyal.<br> - Mark Twain"
txtList[txtList.length]="Oh Death, where is thy sting? It has none. But life has.<br> - Mark Twain"
txtList[txtList.length]="On the whole, it is better to deserve honors and not have them than to have them and not deserve them.<br> - Mark Twain"
txtList[txtList.length]="Once you put it down, you simply can't pick it up. (Of a much praised book by Henry James)<br> - Mark Twain"
txtList[txtList.length]="One of the most striking differences between a cat and a lie is that a cat has only nine lives.<br> - Mark Twain"
txtList[txtList.length]="Only he who has seen better days and lives to see better days again knows their full value.<br> - Mark Twain"
txtList[txtList.length]="Our best built certainties are but sand-houses and subject to damage from any wind of doubt that blows.<br> - Mark Twain"
txtList[txtList.length]="Our Bible reveals to us the character of our god with minute and remorseless exactness . . . It is perhaps the most damnatory biography that exists in print anywhere. It makes Nero an angel of light and leading by contrast.<br> - Mark Twain"
txtList[txtList.length]="Richard Wagner: A composer whose music is better than it sounds.<br> - Mark Twain"
txtList[txtList.length]="Satan (impatiently) to Newcomer: The trouble with you Chicago people is, that you think you are the best people down here; whereas you are merely the most numerous.<br> - Mark Twain"
txtList[txtList.length]="Satan hasn't a single salaried helper; the Opposition employ a million.<br> - Mark Twain"
txtList[txtList.length]="So much blood has been shed by the Church because of an omission from the Gospel: &quot;Ye shall be indifferent as to what your neighbor's religion is.&quot; Not merely tolerant of it, but indifferent to it. Divinity is claimed for many religions; but no religion is great enough or divine enough to add that new law to its code.<br> - Mark Twain"
txtList[txtList.length]="Sometimes too much to drink is barely enough.<br> - Mark Twain"
txtList[txtList.length]="Substitute &quot;damn&quot; every time you're inclined to write &quot;very&quot;; your editor will delete it and the writing will be just as it should be.<br> - Mark Twain"
txtList[txtList.length]="Such is the human race. Often it does seem such a pity that Noah and his party did not miss the boat.<br> - Mark Twain"
txtList[txtList.length]="Sufficient unto the day is one baby. As long as you are in your right mind don't you ever pray for twins. Twins amount to a permanent riot; and there ain't any real difference between triplets and a insurrection.<br> - Mark Twain"
txtList[txtList.length]="Suppose you were an idiot. And suppose you were a member of congress. But I repeat myself.<br> - Mark Twain"
txtList[txtList.length]="That's the difference between governments and individuals. Governments don't care, individuals do.<br> - Mark Twain"
txtList[txtList.length]="The altar cloth of one aeon is the doormat of the next.<br> - Mark Twain"
txtList[txtList.length]="The approach of Christmas brings harrassment and dread to many excellent people. They have to buy a cart-load of presents, and they never know what to buy to hit the various tastes; they put in three weeks of hard and anxious work, and when Christmas morning comes they are so dissatisfied with the result, and so disappointed that they want to sit down and cry. Then they give thanks that Christmas comes but once a year.<br> - Mark Twain"
txtList[txtList.length]="The best way to cheer yourself is to try to cheer somebody else up.<br> - Mark Twain"
txtList[txtList.length]="The Bible is a mass of fables and traditions, mere mythology.<br> - Mark Twain"
txtList[txtList.length]="The burnt child shuns the fire. Until next day.<br> - Mark Twain"
txtList[txtList.length]="The Christian Bible is a drug store. Its contents remain the same; but the medical practice changes. For eighteen hundred years these changes were slight - scarcely noticeable. The practice was allopathic - allopathic in its rudest and crudest form. The dull and ignorant physician day and night, and all the days and all the nights, drenched his patient with vast and hideous doses of the most repulsive drugs to be found in the store's stock; he bled him, cupped him, purged him, puked him, salivated him, never gave his system a chance to rally, nor nature a chance to help. He kept him religion sick for eighteen centuries, and allowed him not a well day during all that time. The stock in the store was made up of about equal portions of baleful and debilitating poisons, and healing and comforting medicines; but the practice of the time confined the physician to the use of the former; by consequence, he could only damage his patient, and that is what he did.<br> - Mark Twain"
txtList[txtList.length]="The Church has opposed every innovation and discovery from the day of Galileo down to our own time.<br> - Mark Twain"
txtList[txtList.length]="The church is always trying to get other people to reform; it might not be a bad idea to reform itself a little, by way of example.<br> - Mark Twain"
txtList[txtList.length]="The church worked hard at it night and day during nine centuries and imprisoned, tortured, hanged and burned whole hordes and armies of witches, and washed the Christian world clean with their foul blood. Then it was discovered that there was no such thing as witches, and never had been. One doesn't know whether to laugh or to cry. Who discovered that there was no such thing as a witch - the priest, the parson? No, these never discover anything.<br> - Mark Twain"
txtList[txtList.length]="The English are mentioned in the Bible: Blessed are the meek, for they shall inherit the earth.<br> - Mark Twain"
txtList[txtList.length]="The fact that man knows right from wrong proves his intellectual superiority to the other creatures; but the fact that he can do wrong proves his moral inferiority to any creature that cannot.<br> - Mark Twain"
txtList[txtList.length]="The first half of life consists of the capacity to enjoy without the chance; the last half consists of the chance without the capacity.<br> - Mark Twain"
txtList[txtList.length]="The holy passion of Friendship is of so sweet and steady and loyal and enduring a nature that it will last through a whole life - time, if not asked to lend money.<br> - Mark Twain"
txtList[txtList.length]="The human race has one really effective weapon, and that is laughter.<br> - Mark Twain"
txtList[txtList.length]="The human race is a race of cowards; and I am not only marching in that procession but carrying a banner.<br> - Mark Twain"
txtList[txtList.length]="The kingly office is entitled to no respect. It was originally procured by the highwayman's methods; it remains a perpetuated crime, can never be anything but the symbol of a crime. It is no more entitled to respect than is the flag of a pirate.<br> - Mark Twain"
txtList[txtList.length]="The more you explain it, the more I don't understand it.<br> - Mark Twain"
txtList[txtList.length]="The most interesting information comes from children, for they tell all that they know and then stop. <br>The poetry is all in the anticipation, for there is none in reality.<br> - Mark Twain"
txtList[txtList.length]="The primary rule of business success is loyalty to your employer. That's all right - as a theory. What is the matter with loyalty to yourself?<br> - Mark Twain"
txtList[txtList.length]="The public is the only critic whose opinion is worth anything at all.<br> - Mark Twain"
txtList[txtList.length]="The radical of one century is the conservative of the next. The radical invents the views. When he has worn them out, the conservative adopts them.<br> - Mark Twain"
txtList[txtList.length]="The report of my death was an exaggeration.<br> - Mark Twain"
txtList[txtList.length]="The right word may be effective, but no word was ever as effective as a rightly timed pause.<br> - Mark Twain"
txtList[txtList.length]="The secret of getting ahead is getting started. The secret of getting started is breaking your complex overwhelming tasks into small manageable tasks, and then starting on the first one.<br> - Mark Twain"
txtList[txtList.length]="The so-called Christian nations are the most enlightened and progressive, but in spite of their religion, not because of it.<br> - Mark Twain"
txtList[txtList.length]="The trade of critic, in literature, music, and the drama, is the most degraded of all trades.<br> - Mark Twain"
txtList[txtList.length]="The universal brotherhood of man is our most precious possession, what there is of it.<br> - Mark Twain"
txtList[txtList.length]="There are no witches. The witch text remains; only the practice has changed. Hell fire is gone, but the text remains. Infant damnation is gone, but the text remains. More than two hundred death penalties are gone from the law books, but the texts that authorized them remain.<br> - Mark Twain"
txtList[txtList.length]="There are people who strictly deprive themselves of each and every eatable, drinkable, and smokable which has in any way acquired a shady reputation. They pay this price for health. And health is all they get for it. How strange it is. It is like paying out your whole fortune for a cow that has gone dry.<br> - Mark Twain"
txtList[txtList.length]="There are several good protections against temptations, but the surest is cowardice.<br> - Mark Twain"
txtList[txtList.length]="There are three things which I consider excellent advice. First, don't smoke to access. Second, don't drink to excess. Third, don't marry to excess.<br> - Mark Twain"
txtList[txtList.length]="There are times when one would like to hang the whole human race, and finish the farce.<br> - Mark Twain"
txtList[txtList.length]="There comes a time in every rightly constructed boy's life that he has a raging desire to go somewhere and dig for hidden treasure.<br> - Mark Twain"
txtList[txtList.length]="There has been only one Christian. They caught him and crucified him - early.<br> - Mark Twain"
txtList[txtList.length]="There is a charm about the forbidden that makes it unspeakably desirable.<br> - Mark Twain"
txtList[txtList.length]="There is one notable thing about our Christianity: bad, bloody, merciless, money-grabbing and predatory as it is - in our country particularly, and in all other Christian countries in a somewhat modified degree - it is still a hundred times better than the Christianity of the Bible, with its prodigious crime - the invention of Hell. Measured by our Christianity of to-day, bad as it is, hypocritical as it is, empty and hollow as it is, neither the Deity nor His Son is a Christian, nor qualified for that moderately high place. Ours is a terrible religion. The fleets of the world could swim in spacious comfort in the innocent blood it has spilt.<br> - Mark Twain"
txtList[txtList.length]="There isn't anything you can't stand, if you are only born and bred to it.<br> - Mark Twain"
txtList[txtList.length]="These people's God has shown them by a million acts that he respects none of the Bible's statues. He breaks every one of them himself, adultery and all.<br> - Mark Twain"
txtList[txtList.length]="This is a Christian country. Why, so is hell. Inasmuch as &quot;Strait is the way and narrow is the gate, and few-few-are they that enter in thereat&quot; has had the natural effect of making hell the only really prominent Christian community in any of the worlds; but we don't brag of this and certainly it is not proper to brag and boast that America is a Christian country when we all know that certainly five-sixths of our population could not enter in at the narrow gate.<br> - Mark Twain"
txtList[txtList.length]="This poor little one-horse town.<br> - Mark Twain"
txtList[txtList.length]="To my mind Judas Iscariot was nothing but a low, mean, premature Congressman.<br> - Mark Twain"
txtList[txtList.length]="Training is everything. The peach was once a bitter almond; Cauliflower is nothing but Cabbage with a College Education.<br> - Mark Twain"
txtList[txtList.length]="Twenty years from now you will be more disappointed by the things that you didn't do than by the ones you did do. So throw off the bowlines. Sail away from the safe harbor. Catch the trade winds in your sails. Explore. Dream. Discover.<br> - Mark Twain"
txtList[txtList.length]="We all live in the protection of certain cowardices which we call our principles.<br> - Mark Twain"
txtList[txtList.length]="We are all alike on the inside.<br> - Mark Twain"
txtList[txtList.length]="We are always too busy for our children; we never give them the time or interest they deserve. We lavish gifts upon them; but the most precious gift, our personal association, which means so much to them, we give grudgingly.<br> - Mark Twain"
txtList[txtList.length]="We are chameleons, and our partialities and prejudices change places with an easy and blessed facility, and we are soon wonted to the change and happy in it. We do not regret our old, yellow fangs and tushes after we have worn nice fresh uniform store teeth a while.<br> - Mark Twain"
txtList[txtList.length]="We are discreet sheep; we wait to see how the drove is going, and then go with the drove.<br> - Mark Twain"
txtList[txtList.length]="We are strange beings, we seem to go free, but we go in chains - chains of training, custom, convention, association, environment - in a word, Circumstance - and against these bonds the strongest of us struggle in vain.<br> - Mark Twain"
txtList[txtList.length]="We despise all reverences and all the objects of reverence which are outside the pale of our own list of sacred things. And yet, with strange inconsistency, we are shocked when other people despise and defile the things which are holy to us.<br> - Mark Twain"
txtList[txtList.length]="We do no benevolences whose first benefit is not for ourselves.<br> - Mark Twain"
txtList[txtList.length]="We have not all had the good fortune to be ladies. We have not all been generals, or poets, or statesmen; but when the toast works down to the babies, we stand on common ground.<br> - Mark Twain"
txtList[txtList.length]="We think boys are rude, unsensitive animals but it is not so in all cases. Each boy has one or two sensitive spots, and if you can find out where they are located you have only to touch them and you can scorch him as with fire.<br> - Mark Twain"
txtList[txtList.length]="What ought to be done to the man who invented the celebrating of anniversaries? Mere killing would be too light.<br> - Mark Twain"
txtList[txtList.length]="What would a man be - what would any man be - without his clothes? As soon as one stops and thinks about that proposition, one realizes that without his clothes a man would be nothing at all; that the clothes do not merely make the man, the clothes are the man; that without them he is a cipher, a vacancy, a nobody, a nothing.<br> - Mark Twain"
txtList[txtList.length]="What would men be without women? Scarce, sir, mighty scarce.<br> - Mark Twain"
txtList[txtList.length]="Whatever you say, say it with conviction.<br> - Mark Twain"
txtList[txtList.length]="When a man is known to have no settled convictions of his own he can't convict other people.<br> - Mark Twain"
txtList[txtList.length]="When a man's dog turns against him it is time for a wife to pack her trunk and go home to mama.<br> - Mark Twain"
txtList[txtList.length]="When a person cannot deceive himself the chances are against his being able to deceive other people.<br> - Mark Twain"
txtList[txtList.length]="When angry count four, when very angry, swear!<br> - Mark Twain"
txtList[txtList.length]="When I am king, they shall not have bread and shelter only, but also teachings out of books, for a full belly is little worth where the mind is starved.<br> - Mark Twain"
txtList[txtList.length]="When I reflect upon the number of disagreeable people who I know who have gone to a better world, I am moved to lead a different life.<br> - Mark Twain"
txtList[txtList.length]="When I was younger, I could remember anything, whether it had happened or not; but my faculties are decaying now and soon I shall be so I cannot remember any but the things that never happened. It is sad to go to pieces like this but we all have to do it.<br> - Mark Twain"
txtList[txtList.length]="When in doubt, tell the truth.<br> - Mark Twain"
txtList[txtList.length]="When one has tasted watermelon he knows what the angels eat.<br> - Mark Twain"
txtList[txtList.length]="When one reads Bibles, one is less surprised at what the Deity knows than at what He doesn't know.<br> - Mark Twain"
txtList[txtList.length]="Whenever you find yourself on the side of the majority, it is time to reform (or pause and reflect).<br> - Mark Twain"
txtList[txtList.length]="Whoever has lived long enough to find out what life is, knows how deep a debt of gratitude we owe to Adam, the first great benefactor of our race. He brought death into the world.<br> - Mark Twain"
txtList[txtList.length]="Why is it that we rejoice at a birth and grieve at a funeral? It is because we are not the person involved.<br> - Mark Twain"
txtList[txtList.length]="You aim for the palace and get drowned in the sewer.<br> - Mark Twain"
txtList[txtList.length]="You are a coward when you even seem to have backed down from a thing you openly set out to do.<br> - Mark Twain"
txtList[txtList.length]="You should never do anything wicked and lay it on your brother, when it is just as convenient to lay it on some other boy.<br> - Mark Twain"

//************ daily **********
d=new Date(),oneDay=60*60*24*1000;
j=(parseInt(d.getTime()/oneDay))%txtList.length;
j=(isNaN(j))?0:j;
document.write(txtList[j]);
//************ End of daily **********
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